Hey, party people. I’m coming to you live and well from 40,000ft in the air sitting all cute and bougie in first class…. ┬áprobably above Iraq or somewhere equally as terrifying. Maybe not tho. I’ll never claim to know world geography.

So if you follow me on Instagram, you would have heard or seen that as soon as I boarded my 14hr flight to China I started looking for an exit strategy. By exit strategy, I mean dropping 1 thou on escaping the peasants and getting my own little business class pod. I fly a lot. Quick calculation shows me that in the past year I have taken over 40 flights. Sometimes I’m totally into it and just sit back and finish a season of Orange Is The New Black.

Then other times, I get super anxious. Like weirdly anxious. I start obsessing over the fact that the shoulder of the person beside me is inching towards mine, I plan my bathroom breaks so I don’t have to put my crotch in my neighbors face as I walk by, and once or twice I’ve been known to stand at the back for hours on end praying to god to just take me. I’m weird, I get it.

Flying First ClassSo today as I was seated I just knew, I knew that there was no way in hell I would survive the 14 hour flight without at least 2 stress zits popping up in addition to my bladder exploding. I am flying China Southern, which isn’t the best but not the worst. The first class was nearly empty and spacious so I really felt like it was worth it. I got to lay down, enjoy a thick down blanket, and the bathroom was large enough for anyone wanting to participate in the Mile High Club. Not too shabby.

This is only the second time I have flown first class. The first time was with Sri Lanka air who has the coolest system! You get to “bid” for business class and I ended up only paying $400 for a flight from Colombo to Hong Kong. Totally worth it. So as I sit here, wondering how many bags I’m going to have to consign, how many Mr. Noodle stir-frys I will have to eat, and if I will be able to afford the taxi fare to my hotel I gotta ask myself if it’s worth it??

LIKE ALL MAJOR DECISIONS right before I boarded the flight, I called my mom. “Mom, how much would you pay for first class on a 14 hour flight?” “$1000” Then as I sat down in my economy seat I texted her “Mom real question is, how much would you pay to not be sat next to an old Asian guy who kinda smells like Ling Ku Family Restaurant” “$2000” And just like that I buzzed the flight attendant and was pulling out my Visa before I stood up. TAKE MY MONEY!!! I strutted off to first class not knowing what exactly had possessed me.

I wish I could have the luxury of business class every time I jetted off. Of all luxuries, it’s the one that would be worth it every time. That being said, I can’t! This was an exception, and sadly most flights offer First Class @ 5x the ticket price. I do recommend that you wait until you board to upgrade… which is what the flight desk had told me. The price he quoted me dropped $200 when

The price he quoted me dropped $200 when I got on board. For a 14 hour flight, this was 100% worth it. 4 hour flight? Hell no.

There is a great Facebook / Twitter group that shares secret flight deals and sometimes even first class fares! Join it, stalk it, and thank me with a pre-takeoff champagne toast.

Now excuse me, I gotta kick my “China Southern” Slippered feet up, but only after I go to the luxe bathroom sans crotch in face seat-exit.

Have you flown business class? Worth it or nah?